Episode 13: I Hate Christmas, What Should I Do? & The Christmas Fairy Texas Chainsaw Killer

In the bleak mid winter, The Vigilante Cannibal Nun felt cold and alone and angry and horny all at the same time. And I am sticking to my guns in that I will never ever ever ever EVER eat sprouts. Colonisers, that’s what I eat, and lots of them, with their red coats and mansion houses and entitlement issues that are not issues as they feel no guilt. Hurrah for Limbo and loneliness, which gives me all the time in the world to solve two weekly horror / SCI FI emotional problems, sent in by fans, in around 10 minutes, give or take a fentanyl lollipop.

Our first letter today is from little Johnny from Cardiff circa 1962. I HATE CHRISMAS WHAT SHOULD I DO? My sister is a bully and I’d like to kill her. Instead, I have to spend Christmas being bullied.

Our second letter is from Marilyn in Texas Circa 1974 who says that she was afraid of her husband’s driving until he picked up a masked hitchhiker, carrying a chainsaw and told him to sit in the back seat behind me and to feel free to rev up the machine and express himself in any which way he wanted. So he cut off his head. Now I am alone and bored. What should I do?